january

as I walked home today I watched the city take down the final decorations

the holidays are over

[english teacher claps]

back to work, everyone.

-

regret has been seeping in my mind like a day-old bag of peppermint tea

the taste is a bit dull

it’s been well over a year at this point

where does regret come from?

for me I can conclude it comes from past me not thinking future me would feel this way. It’s so damn easy to lie to yourself. It’s so easy to let yourself believe those intrusive thoughts.

I know living in the past isn’t healthy. but I really want to learn this time. I want to reuse this tea bag and pour boiling hot water, to scar myself with mistakes I’ll never make again.

I do wonder when I’ll stop loving you.

maybe I’ll set a countdown. how many days until it all fades.

when you loved me I was losing myself. I did fight for a time, I really did.

eventually, I just drowned.

I slipped away. I let go of myself, let her rot in the same water from which you drank.

I hate that I poisoned you.