michigan

Why did you go to school there?

I’m sure it’s a normal question.

To me it was always deeply personal. Something I could never explain in an interview.

I was in my mothers womb, six months strong the first time I went to Michigan.

I went to Michigan every year of my life.

My parents got married in Michigan.

It was always the place my family was happiest. My dad was rarely angry there.

Our only family traditions were tied to Michigan,

Cracker Barrel three hours into the drive,

Black licorice and Mary Poppins.

It was his childhood safe place and he wanted to make it ours too.

I learned how to sail,

I tried to play the guitar,

I gave speeches at family Christmas just to be like him.

My entire life I was desperate for my father to love me.

I wanted him to want to know me.

So I went to college in Michigan.

In the town his parents met in,

I wanted to show him that I cared about his family,

I wanted him to see I wanted the life he wanted.

-

We stopped talking for much of the time I was in college.

Another one of his annual abandonments,

He loves to leave once it’s time to press play on paternal promises.

He moved to Florida,

Each time we talked on the phone,

He suddenly hated the cold.

It’s too cold up there!

Why would you ever want to live there!

Because, Dad. You raised me to love it here.

-

Most of our family pictures are on the beach in Michigan.

His big dream was always to buy a house up and have the whole family stay.

We did that the first half of my life,

A 17th century beach cottage filled with twenty people,

In the town where I went to school.

I still remember the sound of the waves, the jet skis,

I remember the feeling of the breeze.

Every sunny and windy day was a “Michigan day” growing up.

I ached to be happy there.

For a long time, I let Michigan hurt me.

I let it become a place of shame.

One day I woke up and realized it could still be,

A home for me and mine.

This plan fell into my life,

I cannot explain how perfectly these pieces felt.

I will buy a house one day.

A home all of my sisters and I will raise families in,

I want our children to feel safe there.

I want them to laugh with sand in their toes and teeth.

my mother always told me

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