the girl with the butterfly tattoo

I have always known that pain impacts people in different ways.

I watched the same pain tear my family apart.

it made my father drown in the drink,

it left my mother sobbing and screaming,

it made one of my sisters throw books at our faces and threaten us with knives,

it made two of my sisters turn the knife to their own skin.

it led one of my sisters to take pills and overdose in the school bathroom,

I was left to be the strong one.

I threw up with the shower running and ripped out chunks of my hair while I slept.

I craved control, drank from the same bottle as my father.

I have silenced my own pain for much of my life.

resulting only in me hurting those I love the most.

—

two years ago I thought I had gone through difficult things,

I got a butterfly tattoo with one of my best friends to commiserate all we had been through,

mine was the wings of a butterfly between my shoulders

one half being different flowers,

the idea was a continuous cycle of growth and change

a symbiotic relationship

they were meant to be my wings, to help me fly,

“just when she thought her life was over, she began to fly”

I lost that best friend a few months later…

it took two years for me to find myself again.

it turns out I wasn’t ready for that tattoo.

-

I am learning to accept there is nothing that is truly within my control

I am learning to find peace in patience

-

two girls, each with a butterfly tattoo sat at the shore.

they watched as the waves crashed and caught up on the two years that had slipped away like a sand castle on a beach.

conversations in a car,

do you believe everything happens for a reason?

the tattoo they share symbolizes the beauty of change and the power of growth.

at last, they are learning how to fly