glory

after we burned that picture at the beach,

I felt at peace, still so safe with you,

certain I would always know how to exist around you.

I wasn’t sure before I came, but when we walked for miles and talked for hours.

I remembered what it was like to hear your thoughts,

[let it be]

that Beatles song played as you dropped me off,

you said you understood again,

that maybe one day we could be meant to be,

so when I saw that glory on the airplane,

I was certain it meant I was right.

I am always looking for signs.

but you are not a second chances person.

I understand.

-

we lost ourselves in each other.

If I could rewrite our story that is one thing I would change,

I wouldn’t change how we met but I would change what happened to me first.

I would write it so that college was a place full of joy and friendship,

silly nights at parties and dancing in the street,

I would write myself as the soft person I am now becoming.

someone who could be what you needed.

we would do Sunday dinners with your friends,

see your family more than we did.

I wouldn’t change the way we fell in love on your roof and on long walks,

or how you kissed me against the concrete in a parking garage,

walking behind your friends.

I would keep the scene of us swimming in our clothes at the beach,

the day you started to wear my purple hair tie.

[let it be]

if I could,

I wouldn’t let myself catch on fire.

that one night sparked a flame,

when I met you I was the happiest I had ever been.

slowly over time everything began to smolder,

nothing has ever broken me like that before.

I was a church on fire,

smoking and spitting flames,

I was trapped on the second floor,

locked up in a glass room,

you ran inside to save me,

but I wouldn’t let you up the stairs.

your lungs burned from the smoke,

neither of us could see through the darkness.

[like moth to a flame]

I was never asking you to run into a burning building again.

I wanted you to see that I had extinguished the fire myself.

I had shattered the glass cage.

& with that poured out all of my rage

but it would take a while before all the smoke would fade.

[let it be]

-

if I could talk to myself a year ago,

I would slap her sharply across the face.

I would tell her to stop running, to fight…

it won't erase.

you’ll still love him in a year.

& you’ll love yourself too.

I thought I needed to find myself,

I have, now.

if only I knew then what I know now.

at last, I have risen like a phoenix out of the ash.

some days I wake up & convince myself you would be a stranger to me now.