Cave Girl Aesthetic

Something I can’t get out of my head recently is influence,

The influence of alcohol,

Of your algorithm,

Of starches and sugar.

So many things our culture has created.

Who am I, really?

Who am I without the quote from my favorite book?

That’s one reason I stopped reading.

It was so easy for me to become like the characters,

This girl changed her name

I can do that too.

This girl found her boyfriend on the train tracks,

I’ll search for mine there…

This year I’ve decided to cut out things,

I’m going fully sober.

[alcohol and my brain chemistry are not friends]

I’m eating clean and drinking water.

[snacking is not sustainable]

I am not going to scroll or to shop.

[happens when I am afraid to sit with a thought]

If I were a civilization,

I would not be advanced.

I haven’t figured out how to fuel my body.

I haven’t figured out how to create community or culture.

My religious and government systems are in progress.

But I do have written language,

& within that language I can build all of the others.

I want to live like a cavewoman,

Before all of the noise & with bare stone walls

I want to build communities,

I want to find my purpose.

I am leaving survival mode,

But before I go I want to unbury my soul.

It is far too easy for me to become like others,

To see a black & white thought online,

and to let it define my feelings.

I can argue with my emotions,

Because I am never sure, deep down,

Which are my own.

I want to heal my inner child.

I want to see how I feel when I remove all the benefits of society,

In this moment I am bare-faced and broken-hearted.

I am determined to dig deep,

To find myself within the decades.

Over time I’ll become a complex city,

Benefits will be reintroduced to my brain,

But I can’t wait to see what I never like again.